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please don't kill yourself // Anna Akana

   
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Surviving Suicide: https:///l/MuJu It was a hard decision whether or not to put this up. I mean, I have no make up on, there's clearly lotion under my eyebrow that I didn't rub all the way in, and the most frightening thing: it's real. It's just my heart puking up a bunch of emotion, tears and embarrassing vulnerability. But I felt like a hypocrite in a way. I asked myself, "Oh, so you have no qualms about slapping up a funny video where you can hide behind a script, but you can't just sit there and talk about your feelings like a real person? You can't just say 'Hey, if you're thinking of doing this, please don't, because this is how it will feel to everyone who's left over'?" I cringed the entire time I rewatched this video. Yup. I had to edit it, I had to export it, and right now I'm uploading it and writing this description. I feel embarrassed. Like maybe this is narcissistic in its own way. What if people think I'm doing it for something as stupid as views? What if I don't come across the way I want to? What if my message is misinterpreted? But the fact that this scares me so much means I need to put it out there. It's been a long, long, time since I've been afraid to speak up and say something. Especially because... this hits home. There's no jokes (although I do laugh in it sometimes, like we all occasionally do when we're bawling our eyes out), and I tried to keep the jump cuts to a minimum (though if I didn't cut out those long stretches of me trying not to cry, this video would be 10 minutes longer). It's not about me, you know? I guess I finally realized it's not about me. This video is about my sister, and about everyone else who wants to commit suicide. Did you know? Suicide is a THIRD LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH in young people. THE FRIGGING THIRD LEADING CAUSE. After car accidents and homicide, more kids fall to pills, overdose, or knives than they do to illness. More kids choose death than let death find them. That's fucking scary. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let something as stupid and trivial as embarrassment over tears and the inability to be vulnerable stop me from trying to help some kid out there who needs just one reason to live. Some kid who just feels alone, lost, angry, confused and wants to escape. Some kid who feels unloved, unwanted, unheard, unseen and invisible. Some kid who thinks that no one would care if they didn't exist anymore. Some kid like my sister. If I can help just one, then putting myself out there was worth it. So I hope you know... someone cares. Even if they don't you, they know someone just like you who made the decision to say goodbye. And they don't want you to say goodbye too. ----- SUICIDE HOTLINES Albania: 127 Argentina: (54-11) 4758-2554 Australia: 13 11 14 Austria: 142 Barbados: (246) 4299999 Belgium: 106 Botswana: 3911270 Brazil: +55 51 211 2888 Canada - Greater Vancouver: 604-872-3311 Canada - Toll free-Howe Sound/Sunshine Coast: 18666613311 Canada - TTY: 1-866-872-0113 Canada - BC-wide: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) China: 0800-810-1117 China (Mobile/IP/extension users): 010-8295-1332 Croatia: (01) 4833-888 Cyprus: +357 77 77 72 67 Denmark: +45 70 201 201 Estonia (1): 126 Estonia (2): 127 Estonia (3): 646 6666 Fiji (1): 679 670565 Fiji (2): 679 674364 Finland: 01019-0071 France: (+33) (0)9 51 11 61 30 Germany (1): 0800 1110 111 Germany (2): 0800 1110 222 Germany (youth): 0800 1110 333 Ghana: 233 244 846 701 Greece: (0) 30 210 34 17 164 Hungary: (46) 323 888 India: 2549 7777 Ireland (1): +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 Ireland (2): +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 Ireland (3): 1850 60 90 90 Ireland (4): 1850 60 90 91 Israel: 1201 Italy: 199 284 284 Japan (1): 03 5774 0992 Japan (2): 03 3498 0231 Kenya: +254 20 3000378/2051323 Liberia: 06534308 Lithuania: 8-800 2 8888 Malaysia (1): (063) 92850039 Malaysia (2): (063) 92850279 Malaysia (3): (063) 92850049 Malta: 179 Mauritius: (230) 800 93 93 Namibia: (09264) 61-232-221 Netherlands: 0900-0767 New Zealand (1): (09) 522 2999 New Zealand (2): 0800 111 777 Norway: +47 815 33 300 Papua New Guinea: 675 326 0011 Philippines: 02 -896 - 9191 Poland (1): +48 527 00 00 Poland (2): +48 89 92 88 Portugal: (808) 200 204 Samoa: 32000 Serbia: 32000 Singapore: 1800- 221 4444 South Africa: 0861 322 322 Sweden (1): 020 22 00 60 Sweden (2): 020 22 00 70 Switzerland: 143 Thailand: (02) 713-6793 Ukraine: 058 United Kingdom (1): 08457 909090 United Kingdom (2): +44 1603 611311 United Kingdom (3): +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 United Kingdom (4): 1850 60 90 90 United Kingdom (5): 1850 60 90 91 United States of America: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Zimbabwe (1): (263) 09 65000 Zimbabwe (2): 0800 9102

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